A Case Of The "Shoulds"

A dear friend of mine with a chornic illness inspired this post today...

SHOULD

1. Used to express obligation or duty: You should send her a note. 2. Used to express probability or expectation: They should arrive at noon.

Life with a chronic illness is full of "shoulds." I should stretch. I should get up. I should be better. I should go shopping. I should go out tonight. It's not that we don't want to do these things or are too lazy like some individuals who mutter the words, but it's that it's too painful or we just physically cannot muster up the strength and energy to get up and go.

What would our lives be like if we stopped "shoulding" ourselves? Probably pretty great! The expectations would be gone, and we could live in the present, the now. "Shoulding" ourselves is almost a form of punishment as if we are chastizing ourselves for being exhausted, for being in pain, and for being ill. Isn't the illness punishment enough? I think so.

How about instead of using the word "should," we say, "I'm going to exert healthy control over my life by not (insert activity here), because it simply would not be good for me at the present moment." I like that better :-)

Shoulda, woulda, coulda?...nah.