I have not updated since I have been home Friday, and I apologize for that. I was in a nightmare for five days with a bad ending, and I'm just not ready to go into details. I spent the week in ICU connected to every IV and monitor available, waking up from "naps" (because I barely slept or ate for five days) with doctors and nurses standing over me and shooting medicine into my arms. I thought I was dying. Apparently my heart was not taking to the ketamine well. This happened several times to my heart and each time, I swore I was going to die in that hospital. Then, my kidney function was bad (they were on overdrive), so bad that we had to stop the treatment early (well, I as the patient made them stop the treatment a few hours before they were planning to). I couldn't be in that torturous state any longer for no reason.
Apparently, this happened to the last four patients, meaning the batch of ketamine was likely defective... not me. Why they decided to not tell us that before we signed the consent form is beyond me.
I'm sorry to hide the story and details, but it was a bit too traumitzing for me to share over and over again. I need to regain my strength and fight.... because clearly there is little to no relief of my pain.
My parents NEVER left my side. My mom didn't change clothes or shower for 5 days because she didn't want to leave me (and I didn't want her too because I was so scared I would die). My father slept so he could be the voice of sanity for us. I always knew how amazing my parents were, but this event brought their amazing-ness to a whole new level. I've never had so much love and admiration for anyone in my life as I do for my mom and dad. They saved me last week.
Apparently, this happened to the last four patients, meaning the batch of ketamine was likely defective... not me. Why they decided to not tell us that before we signed the consent form is beyond me.
I'm sorry to hide the story and details, but it was a bit too traumitzing for me to share over and over again. I need to regain my strength and fight.... because clearly there is little to no relief of my pain.
My parents NEVER left my side. My mom didn't change clothes or shower for 5 days because she didn't want to leave me (and I didn't want her too because I was so scared I would die). My father slept so he could be the voice of sanity for us. I always knew how amazing my parents were, but this event brought their amazing-ness to a whole new level. I've never had so much love and admiration for anyone in my life as I do for my mom and dad. They saved me last week.
3 comments:
I guess I can't tell you enough times how much I admire your strength and courage. Getting to know you these past few months has touched and inspired me in so many ways. And the reason I want to tell you that is because I want you to know that I believe you're strong enough to get through all of this and use it and what it taught you to make an amazing impact on the world. It may not seem like that, especially during times like this, but it will all be ok. You've got some wonderful people around you who are going to be strong for you now. And it's going to help you become strong again. And trust me when I tell you how much you inspire others. Take care of yourself. I know you're strong enough to beat all this. And know that I'm one of those people that will be there if you need.
I'm sorry things did not go well for you maria (where's the sad face smiley when you need it?). There is no need to recount the details of something that has traumatized you other than the parts you feel you need to say for yourself. Know that we all support you no matter what you do from this point on and are here to help you any way we can along the way.
I am so sorry that hear that this happened to you. I too really admire your strength and positive attitude - you have really helped me throughout the last few months and i'll never forget that.
Stay strong and I hope and pray that one day you will beat this. You are in my thoughts and if you need anything I am here for you - Always.
Pain free hugs,
Alison
Post a Comment