Wednesday, April 2, 2008
That About Sums It Up
"Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, aka RSD, is a progressive unpredictable illness which presents itself as a multi-symptom disorder that can involve any part of the human body. Your body becomes hypersensitive to many physiological responses and these vary according to each individual. The intensity of the pain does not correlate to the initial injury. A minor or traumatic injury sets off the fight or flight mechanism in our central/sympathetic nervous system. This response is a part of an internal communications network that can have an effect on every aspect of your daily life. Your mind and body are continually in a state of havoc. This causes you to become isolated and withdrawn. It takes you on a roller coaster ride of terror, frustration and disappointment (http://www.rsdaid.org/articles/article03.htm)."
That about sums it up...
It's scary to be faced with the frustration, terror, and disappointment that comes with the daily roller coaster ride that is RSD. I just never know how I am going to feel from moment to moment. The saying, "take it one day at a time," means absolutely nothing to me. It has become one moment at a time.
In the past, I have been known to push myself into a terrible pain flare trying to live a "normal" life (normal as in walking), but I have never experienced the shock, frustration, and sadness that came with yesterday's break through pain. My puppy was taking a nap in his crate, so I took the free time to relax. My pain flared while I was laying down on my floor watching tv. Yes, laying down.
It's interesting to be able to feel yourself being taken over by a disease (whilst fighting it as best you can) and to also watch it in your mind's eye as you replay the past and compare what you were able to do last week to what you can do this week.
It's rare for me to be able to leave my house and take part in a "normal" activity without taking an opiate (that doesn't even work well). My pain flares while relaxing. I can't shop in one store without sitting on the floor several times because of the pain...
Remember when I used to run dozens and dozens and dozens of miles a week? I do... fondly.
Off to the hospital in NYC today. Happy, healthy thoughts are greatly appreciated.
"Is anybody listening
Can anybody answer my prayers
Please say yes
Does anybody feel the same
And is there anybody who cares
Life’s unfair, its so unfair..."