Stand Up

"If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what
Don't give up
Through it all just STAND UP."

Adapting

I'm still alive!

My hands (especially the right) just hurt from all the writing and school related typing/research online.

I'm adapting to the life of a grad student, and I believe the roughest spot, the first few weeks, is over. Adapting to a demanding lifetsyle with pain of different strengths and durations was the test, and it is my belief that I can do this and do it well.

I am of the "this is my life now, I can't change it so I may as well make it work" mindset right now. I think they call that "acceptance." ;-)

This Is Difficult

Yesterday was a full, demanding, and PAINFUL day. My most excruciating in quite some time because of my inability to say "sorry, life, I can't engage you" these days. Also, the difficulty rises when you add in the fact that I cannot function as a grad student on copious amounts of pain killers, so I am forced to take the smallest amount and endure that fierce discomfort. It is what it is, though. I don't have much of a choice.

On days like yesterday, the fear factor is undeniable. How am I going to get through this? What about clinicals? Will this be too much for me? Will I make the grades I need to stay in the program? This is all new territory for me. Uncharted waters. The calm before the storm, perhaps? I hope not, but only time will tell.

Mindfulness is my weapon for the worry monster.

I'm alive!

The past few weeks have been very demanding, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but I am alive to tell the story :-)

I went straight from the Alaskan wilderness to graduate school, a strange transition! With two weeks of graduate school behind me, my world is beginning to level out again as I find my rythm and place in higher education. Adjusting to the massive amounts of reading (at least 100+ pages a class each week), the 40 minute, painful drive to campus, the uncomfortable three hours a piece classes, and the weekend crash courses in clinical social work before field work started this week have kept me away from my computer for anything other than school related tasks.

For my field work, I am placed in an assisted living facility working with the residents and their families on things like living wills, chronic/acute illness, loss of independence, stages of grieving, etc... I have an all new business-casual wardrobe (thank you mom and dad), and I am ready to see my clients in style with a smile!

This is not going to be easy, but it will be very rewarding. RSD has taken some of my dreams from me, but it won't take this one.

Latest Update

I talked to the show yesterday, and they may have to reschedule the day of taping. The other person they are using for the RSD show may be out of town for a few weeks. They cannot get in touch with him.

This could work out well for me since I have that silly workshop to worry about :-)

Here I am! Fresh out of the Alaskan wilderness and a bright eyed, bushy tailed graduate student. Alaska was incredibly beautiful, but while the ship sailed, Olivia and I slept or watched movies on our beds to prepare for the next Alaskan town. We took a helicopter and landed on a glacier, went whale watching, and shopped 'til we dropped (which was wasn't long thanks to RSD!). Alaska is a must see for those who love animals and nature.

I cannot even describe how much I missed my furry baby!!! Our reunion has been spectacular, and we have been glued to eachother ever since. I prefer to be with him over everything and anything else. It may sound silly, but he is truly my best buddy.

Graduate school is going to be difficult to navigate in this condition, especially with clinicals, but I am up for the challenge. The day after I tape "The Doctors," I have an all day workshop, 9am-5pm, which means I may have to take the red eye home! Ouch. I sure hope it doesn't interfere with my spreading RSD awareness. I will keep you posted as I find out more information.

Today, I am going to rest, read, and spend some quality time with those I love.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quick update! I got a call last night from Dr. Phil's spinoff show, "The Doctors," and they are flying me out to Los Angeles next Thursday to tape a show on RSD that Friday!!!!

It is going to very physically demanding since I just flew that long, cross-country flight to and from Alaska, but it is so worth it!!!

Grad school started yesterday and the amount of reading they give should be a crime ;-)

This is all going to be very tough but very rewarding.

I'm off to Dr. McDreamy and then to a full day of class.

All my love,
Maria

Back From Alaska