This is love...

Thank you everyone for your sweet comments. It is always wonderful to know that I am not alone and others know just how I feel. The last post was a moment of frustration, but 23.75 hours out of a day I am happy and in love with me, my life, and everyone in it. It's just so strange that even when you take time out to explain this disease to people, they simply have forgotten what you said two minutes later!!! I AM ALWAYS IN PAIN, BUT THERE IS NO USE BEING UPSET 24/7 OVER SOMETHING THAT I CANNOT CHANGE. You can say it 100 times in a row, and it still won't sink in for some... I remember when I was horribly depressed over my deteriorating body (before I was given any diagnosis), and that life was horrible. What's the use anymore? It's been four years of non-stop, worsening pain, and if I was still upset about it, I would have lost four precious years of my life to melancholy. That's not to say I don't feel sad every so often, but I cry for a few minutes and then I'm back to happy me again.

Life was meant to be enjoyed, and if you can find the strength to still enjoy life despite your circumstances, well, congratulations to you! THAT is inspiration...

I'm off to play with my best friend of the last 10 years, and then I will blog about what has been happening lately. Lots of things to fill you in on RSD wise and the rest of my life as well.

Bye for now!

My name is Maria...

I am smart
I get A's
I smile a lot
I'm physically fit
I'm "healthy"
I like fashion
I dress well
I'm sociable
I'm kind
I excel
I'm involved
I overachieve
I don't complain unless something is complain-worthy in my mind
I do for others because it makes me happy

For all of these reasons I am liked, praised, complimented... and for all of these reasons it's hard to believe how much I suffer every single day in every single thing that I do.

You get to take a long shower, I can't because it hurts too much
You get to wear high heels, I can't because it hurts too much
You get to go for a walk with your dog, I can't because it hurts too much
You get to stand at the copy machine, I can't because it hurts too much
You get to work and go to school, I can't because it hurts too much
You get to type all day at your computer, I can't because it hurts too much
You get to drive your car whenever you want, I can't because it hurts too much
You get to stand and have a conversation, I can't because it hurts too much
You get to go places without chairs, I can't go because it hurts too much

YOU get to live your life, I can't because it hurts too much.

Imagine that? I look like I do. I act like I do. But it hurts too much.

This disease is mean and ugly, but the people who have it aren't. Imagine THAT?!

DONE!

I feel like I have been dragged through the mud and then some, but I made it through my first semester of graduate school alive, and with flying colors. Let's just say they won't be kicking me out of the program because I fell below the 3.0 GPA... with a passing field placement (it's pass/fail) and 2 A's so far out of four classes (fingers crossed for two more high final grades!), I'll be sticking around for another semester :-) In fact, it looks like I'm on my way to a 4.0 GPA.

My goal for this semester was to not fail out of the program. I started small, which makes this victory taste that much more like a french vanilla coffee with soy creamer! But for serious, this was really really difficult, and it may in fact be the hardest thing I have ever done. I like to defy the odds as much as the rest of us with RSD do, but I feel much worse than I did at the start of the semester. Could it be that 3.5 months of go, go, go has gotten the best of me? Sure. Could it be that I have gotten worse? Suuuure... I roll with the punches and vicodin, and try not to let it get the best of me.

Three more semesters seems impossible, but I can't worry about that now.


Great article:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/170359/page/1

Finals and Mercury

It's finals time, and here I am writing a blog entry instead of doing my work. I've spent too much time doing work and not enough time updating my great supporters on what is happening in my crazysexy, raw food, social working life.

I had my first alternative medicine appointment yesterday. It was very long and comprehensive, and the doctor is very very passionate about what he does (always a good sign). Given the background information since childhood, my food allergies/digestion issues, my nervous system disorder, and other factors, he is questioning mercury toxicity. Mercury attacks fat and since the nervous system is made of primarily fat, it often attacks that first and foremost. He also feels I'm not absorbing the nutrients in my food as a result, and funny enough, my intuition always told me that there must be some deficiency in some nutrient which is why I focused much of my own research on foods, mostly raw foods, and supplements. I just thought it was from my short time with an eating disorder (poor poor coping skills when I started getting sick).

In my research, I have found many soucres stating mercury toxicity can be the cause of many autoimmune disorders, including lupus, fibro, ALS, and RSD.

Monday, I am starting the process to find out whether or not I have mercury toxicity. It's a handful of tests and procedures, so I probably won't know for about 2 more weeks.

Let's hope this is the start of something good since traditional medicine has not helped me, and I've almost tried it all.

Back to my finals. I can't wait to rest and regroup.