Thursday, September 3, 2009
Love Is All That Matters After All
Here I am sitting on campus after six hours of grad classes munching on a HUGE (seriously, it is gigantic!) salad contemplating the day and my future, wondering how it will all turn out. With this disease, exciting milestones, like the start of my second year in grad school and my field placement, create a lot of anxiety, questions, and sometimes, fear, because the natural response is to start projecting into the future... "Can I finish what I've started? What happens if I get worse? My concentration sucks thanks to fentanyl, am I cut out for this? Can I REALLY do this?" The answer to all of these burning questions is, "Shut up, Maria. Relax, enjoy the moment, which consists of this awesome salad of generous proportions and the completion of your first day of classes." Go me! for even making it this far with a frightening, painful, progressive, and unpredictable illness. This is a time for me to use those awesome coping skills I learned in a year+ of mental health therapy and focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses, and often, that consists of my past accomplishments proving to myself that I have never failed at anything (in fact, I have only excelled!). My schedule this semester will help me create the balance that I lacked last year, perhaps, adding to the progression of my illness last semester. Physical, mental, and emotional stress will be reduced, and I can focus on my school work and my clients instead of merely surviving the day. Awesome!
If you ask me, the best part about this semester is my gorgeous man picks me up on Thursdays, and we take the 45 minute ride to school together. Shhhh, don't tell I told you, but he even walked 15 minutes from his building during a short break inbetween his classes, picked me up from my class and walked me over to grab this delicious salad, only to rush back to the same building he came from for his next class. How sweet is that?! Those little gestures melt my heart and are worth more to me than the most precious diamonds in this world... they are the true gifts.
Say a little prayer for me! I start my field placement tomorrow at 8am.
Many blessings and happy healing!!!!