Here I am sitting on campus after six hours of grad classes munching on a HUGE (seriously, it is gigantic!) salad contemplating the day and my future, wondering how it will all turn out. With this disease, exciting milestones, like the start of my second year in grad school and my field placement, create a lot of anxiety, questions, and sometimes, fear, because the natural response is to start projecting into the future... "Can I finish what I've started? What happens if I get worse? My concentration sucks thanks to fentanyl, am I cut out for this? Can I REALLY do this?" The answer to all of these burning questions is, "Shut up, Maria. Relax, enjoy the moment, which consists of this awesome salad of generous proportions and the completion of your first day of classes." Go me! for even making it this far with a frightening, painful, progressive, and unpredictable illness. This is a time for me to use those awesome coping skills I learned in a year+ of mental health therapy and focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses, and often, that consists of my past accomplishments proving to myself that I have never failed at anything (in fact, I have only excelled!). My schedule this semester will help me create the balance that I lacked last year, perhaps, adding to the progression of my illness last semester. Physical, mental, and emotional stress will be reduced, and I can focus on my school work and my clients instead of merely surviving the day. Awesome!
If you ask me, the best part about this semester is my gorgeous man picks me up on Thursdays, and we take the 45 minute ride to school together. Shhhh, don't tell I told you, but he even walked 15 minutes from his building during a short break inbetween his classes, picked me up from my class and walked me over to grab this delicious salad, only to rush back to the same building he came from for his next class. How sweet is that?! Those little gestures melt my heart and are worth more to me than the most precious diamonds in this world... they are the true gifts.
Say a little prayer for me! I start my field placement tomorrow at 8am.
Many blessings and happy healing!!!!
9 comments:
Hi Maria,
I was thinking about you today and wondering how your back to school transition was going. I am glad to hear that your new schedule will allow some balance in your life. When I cut back on school hours and focused more on my healing, things started getting better for me, I hope that happens for you too!
Zoey! Thank you so much for the words of wisdom and encouragement, especially since I know you must be sooo busy right now. I have been saying prayers for you and your new family. How's the baby? How is your pain holding up with all the new activity?
hope your field placement went well! congrats on starting your second year. i'm trying to go for my first semester of grad school in the spring.
Hi Maria,
Even though I am busy I still think about you a lot- graduate school is a lot of work (even more so with rsd).
The baby is doing great and my pain is actually much more controlled than it was before I was pregnant. Once I went into labor the pain almost went away. My labor was unmedicated, so there weren't drugs in my system that would have taken the pain away and my labor wasn't all that painful for the most part (relative to rsd pain) so I don't think I was just distracted by pain somewhere else. My understanding is that your body makes all sorts of pain relieving hormones while in labor and apparently those helped my hand quite a bit.
The best part is that even though the swelling has come back some over the weeks, the pain is still lower than it was before I was pregnant which has been amazingly wonderful.
That is great, zoey!!!!! I have heard great things about pregnancy and RSD, basically that your body's immune system evens out when you are pregnant, which would indicate that it could be auto-immune. I forget the actual explaination of what happens to the immune system when pregnant, but many women have told me that their pain either substantially lowered or even went away during/after pregnancy!
I really really hope this relief is permanent for you. I am sending so many prayers and healing thoughts your way. I think of you always, zoey, and that incredible baby of yours, too. In fact, your whole, beautiful family. You are always in my thoughts.
sarah, thank you! good luck with your grad school endeavors. I am keeping you in my thoughts!
Aww he is so sweet. All the best for your new school year Maria. (:
You are going to do so well this semester!! Can't wait to hear about all you learn and your field placement... we need to chat soon! :) Hopefully you'll have good news and I will too ;)
XOXO
Greetings from Manila!
I just happened to come across your blog. I'm so clueless about RSD and checked it out in Wikipedia but still cannot understand it fully well...
Anyhow, I pray that you'll always be okay and I hope you'll always be doing fine with your studies despite of the physical difficulties that RSD have caused.
Good day and have a pleasant morning...
I think of you so often, Maria and probably more since beginning my new job just over a month ago.
I try to remind myself of those techniques of which you speak, like pacing and arranging your workload where possible, and not projecting as to what the future might hold.
It's hard, wondering if this is how it will always be, or if I will 'adjust' as some are/have suggesting/ed - does that make sense? I've been at this for some time, diagnosis or not. It's not like I've been languishing on a settee somewhere eating bon bons! So, like you, I keep at it... but I have to think school must be even more challenging than work in some ways as I recall being in school being tiring (pre-RSD/CRPS!) from the energy expending on learning!
It is heartwarming to hear of the sweet gestures that your lovely man brings to your life. He (and that too-cute pup!) must bring such joy that it surely helps with the pain management. (For me, my kitty, who came to our home in April, is so comforting, even when I'm hurting so much. I bet your furry friend is just as loving and comforting, too).
Know you're in my thoughts and I'm rooting you on from the other side of the continent, up here in Canada!
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