Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Finally In The Moment
I want to thank everyone for reaching out to me with your candid e-mails and for following me on Twitter. Please, do not hesitate to contact me through my e-mail if you would like to chat, need support, or just want to say hello. It is not a burden whatsoever, and I really value your experiences and feelings.
Lately, I have been experiencing a level of acceptance that I have never felt before, living moment by moment, even when the moments contain those oh-so-frightenng pain flares. Instead of the usual "freak out" containing racing thoughts of "what if the pain doesn't go back down" and "what if I am getting worse," my mind has simply gone, "OK, I'm in a pain flare," and I patiently adjust my activities and wait until it is over. Perhaps, after five years of pain, I am finally getting used to this whole up and down, back and forth of chronic illness? Maybe. Or, perhaps, I am finally recognizing that I haven't self-destructed yet, so far? Yea, that's possible. My mind does wander into the future occassionally, but it is spending most of its time in the NOW. FINALLY!
I have written about my struggle with living in the moment before, but no matter how badly I practiced, prayed, desired for the ability to not project years into the future with RSD, it never worked. It has only come with time, just as any acceptance of the conditions of this illness has.
Here are some photos taken today with the baby and my man. Enjoy!