Happy Halloween!!!!!!!

Does it get any better than this?!?!?!?!

Pictures Of The One Year Old Woman

Can you believe it???? ONE YEAR OLD! I swear, she looked older the moment she turned one, which was the Tuesday after the party. These photos were taken the day after she turned one.

As for me, I'm still struggling. Struggling, struggling, struggling. But, I'm going about my life, drinking green juices, and keeping the faith. I had a great cry in my father's arms last night, and 10 minutes later, I was happy eating a vegan cookie. Life goes on.

Enjoy!

Happy Healing!

"Doctor Shopping"

Finding the right doctor can be likened to finding that elusive, perfect pair of blue jeans (if they even exist), which can leave you with the same frustrations that spending hours in a dressing room tugging on and off less than perfect denims can elicit. Too short, too long, too loose, too tight, horrible listening skills, big ego, pushing an agenda, etc... you get the point. Just the thought annoys me...

So, how do we find our "perfect fit?" This is what I have learned over time and keep in my tool box:

RESEARCH:

Just as you would do research for an important paper topic, research your potential doctor. Find his (using "his" because most of the pain doctors I come across are male) credentials... where he went to school, who he studied under, who the person he studied under studied under... Look for patient testamonials on the web, look for medical journal articles/research papers he has written, check for malpractice suits. Leave no stone unturned (my dad does this step for me).


KNOW WHAT YOU WANT:

Know what you will and will not stand for. Show up with a list of "must haves," (from personality traits to treatments) and if he will not work with you, move on. There is always another doctor around the next corner. You'll know what is a non-negotiable for you, and stick with it. Just because he is the "doctor" doesn't mean he knows what is best for you. You happen to be the expert on your disease, and if you aren't yet, make yourself the expert.


FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION:

If something doesn't feel right, do not ignore it. Your intuition is a message from the divine, and you wouldn't ignore god if he/she/it was standing infront of you giving you a message, would you?


BRING AN ADVOCATE:

Bring someone you trust with you to take over when you become too emotional or flustered or overwhelmed. Someone who can vouch for you and backup your story, especially if you are a young person in a pain management clinic *cough, cough*


There you go! Good luck!

I have a long day on campus. Ugh!

Happy Healing!

EDIT*** Vegan Dad and Pain Update

EDIT*** Yay! What a lovely surprise! I am featured in How To Cope With Pain's Pain Blog Carnival! Check it out here: http://www.howtocopewithpain.org/blog/1496/pain-blog-carnival-october-2009/

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No, I'm not talking about my man (I wish!!!!)... check out this wonderful, insightful blog post off of crazysexylife.com:

http://crazysexylife.com/2009/vegan-dad/




This pain is testing my strength, stamina, will to move forward, pain tolerance(geeze, tolerance of anything at this point), patience, amongst other important aspects of survival and "thrival" (hey, I like that!) with this illness. My parents are helping me research pain doctors, and I am not going back for a second appointment unless they see and deal with RSD regularly and are willing to prescribe drugs like methadone and sustained release oxycontin. Basically, I am "doctor shopping" until I feel comfortable enough to put myself in the hands of a compassionate, forward thinking, professional. I'm not wasting my time or their time because the RSD clock is obviously ticking.

My man and the little lady just showed up at my front door :-)

Happy Healing!

Have A Little Faith

Beautiful song from this talented lady's new album. You really should hear it, but here are the words in case you can't. Grab a tissue if you wind up downloading it and have RSD. It's a tear-jerker.

FAITH - by Jordin Sparks

Hey there sad eyes, what's on your mind?
Don't look so down, give it some time
You don't have to be so hard on yourself
I know the world can be a brutal place
Please don't let it steal your smile away

'Cause when the sky's the darkest
You can see the stars
And when you fall the hardest
You find how strong you are

Close your eyes, rest awhile
It's been a long, long day
So come on baby-baby, have a little faith

Let those tears fall, you gave it your all
That's all you can do, I'll be here for you
There goes your pride, crushed on the ground
Sometimes it takes a wall to tumble down
For you to see who's gonna stick around

'Cause when the sky’s the darkest
You can see the stars
When you fall the hardest
You find how strong you are

Close your eyes, rest awhile
It's been a long, long, long, day
So come on baby-baby, have a little faith

Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better
And it takes so much to be brave
Sometimes you're afraid it will hurt forever
But when all the lights begin to fade

When the sky’s the darkest
You can see the stars
When you fall the hardest
You find how strong you are

Close your eyes, and rest awhile
It's been a long, long day
So come on baby-baby
Come on baby-baby, have a little faith

How I Do This Every Day

I just wanted to share this quick e-mail sent to a beautiful, beautiful soul in response to a specific statement. Perhaps, it can touch more than just one (excuse the typos and messy language... I'm just copying and pasting from my e-mail):


I forgot to comment on your statement "I look at you in these pictures and just wonder how you've made it through...you are a tough cookie!" First, thank you! Second, I am making it through... it's a decision I make each day to keep on going, but it is ALWAYS a struggle. ALWAYS. A lot of people who read my blog have thought I am so tough and never have bad days, but that isn't true at all.... well, I have bad moments. I try to never let this disease ruin an entire day. I wasted too long letting it do that for awhile. I just make a concious effort to enjoy each day and to try to live my best life despite what is happening to me. It really is a decision that I make everyday... I wake up and renew it each morning, and I enjoy the wonderful parts of my life taking the time to focus on them more. It gets easier and easier with time. This is my fifth year being "sick" so it has only gotten easier to cope and to accept, but that doesn't mean I like this at all. I obviously hate it at this point. I've learned all those incredible life lessons, and now I want my health back. I keep hoping that someday it will happen.



I hope this can help someone else out there who is feeling down in the dumps like it has been able to uplift my lovely friend.

Happy Healing!!!!!!!

Baby's First Birthday!

What a joyous 30+ hours spent with little Adalyn on the eve and day of her first birthday party. The party was a beautiful success orchestrated by the baby's mommy, grandparents, and other family members, and Adalyn gladly dipped her fingers into a rainbow of sugar and smooshed it all over her little face (getting some in her mouth, too).

I took some extra medication and made it through, only to sleep 10+ hours after. Today will be a day devoted to rest and some green juices (I had my share of sugar, too). Thank you all for your good thoughts and wishes!

Enjoy!

Happy Healing!!!!

Pain Flare BE GONE!!!!!!!!

I'm starting to wonder about this pain flare... It's almost been two weeks since it began, and it is only getting worse. It's to the point where I cannot even lay down comfortably, which is reminiscent of last school year when I had to quit my placement due to the pain being so severe. I head back to the pain doctor for refills in a week and a half, but I may call tomorrow to see if I can get in this coming week to discuss my options. *sigh* My pain was down to a 6 out of 10 for a few weeks toward the end of the summer, and it was blissful. Right now, I'm at a 9, and it is making it very difficult to function, yet I have homework to do, classes to attend, and my field work two days a week.

Enjoy these pictures from Wednesday morning. The baby is sleeping over Friday evening so her mommy can set up for her birthday party Saturday night. Please say a little prayer for me that I make it through the next 48 hours. It is going to be very busy with field and the baby, and I need my legs to cooperate.

Happy Healing!!!!!

Giveaway

Wonderful giveaway at Pursuing Balance!

http://pursuingbalance.com/2009/10/19/its-giveaway-time/



P.S. I added the "subscribe to my blog" gadget on the right hand side to make it easier for anyone who like to follow my little ol' blog. Thanks for reading!


Happy Healing!

Photos Of Fun

Today, I spent the day reading, studying, and playing with Shorter. Organic coffee with organic coconut milk kept my mind sharp. Because this pain flare is relentless, I took Shorter for a ride in the car instead of to the park. I just can't stand up that long, and driving is less painful. He appreciated it, as you can tell in the quick photo I took of my rearview mirror!!!!







Outfits put together by yours truly for the baby's first birthday party this Saturday coming up, and an organic, natural, eco-friendly veggie toy basket! It's good to start them young!








Here are a few cute pictures we took yesterday with Shorter. He is such a good friend, and a HUGE Canes fan!!!! GO UM!!!!






Oh, and look! I am becoming blog savvy! Check out the right hand side of my blog. It finally has some pizazz! I'm adding the blogs I follow slowly as I remember them all.

Happy Healing!

What Nourishes You?

**Taken today with my happy pup!

Nourish: To provide substances necessary for life, to foster the development of, to keep alive.

I'm not talking about gargantuan salads consisting of the most vitamin and nutrient dense plant foods (although, those are perfect for nourishing the physical bod), but rather, what feeds the soul. Be it spending time with loved ones, watching the rain fall, reading a good soul-searching book, cooking, or any other activity that leaves you feeling energized and balanced, we need nourishment to keep us feeling vibrant and alive. And, it needs to be made a priority. This can be difficult in the go-go-go flow that our individualistic, goal-oriented society has, but what one deems important, one will achieve.

So, how do we do this?

1. Carve out time: Make certain activities a priority and DO NOT feel guilty about doing so.

2. Don't make excuses: Be honest with yourself. Often, we blame "time" for what we cannot do, but we make other aspects priority. Why can't sitting still and watching the rain fall be one, too? Making personal time may be the most productive thing you do all day.

3. Allow yourself to BE: Live in the moment, enjoy it, love it, be it. Don't judge yourself, what you are doing, other people... just BE, for once! Ignore that nagging voice in your head.

4. ENJOY!: Take it alllll in, and count it as adding healing time to your bank of healthy living. Just as money accumulates over time to create wealth, small steps toward healing count in big ways.


Happy Healing!!!!

Passion

"Your soul mission is your reason for being, your life purpose. It's your calling in life--who you feel called to be, what you feel called to do. Mission is an energy that flows through you--a drive, voice, or passion that you cannot ignore... It's what you know in your heart you must live if you are to experience inner peace and harmony." -- Alan Seale


Beautifully said by Alan Seale, which makes me notice the universe's signs and inner workings pointing me toward my ultimate life passion, obtaining a PhD and teaching at the university level. It just feels right, and intuition is the divine giving us the nod that we are going in the right direction. Medical sociology has always been my PhD subject of interest, but only time will tell. It will certainly be in the sociology or psychology department, but more likely the former rather than the latter. They are both options. My biggest obstacle will be RSD, but if I can keep the monster under control, nothing stands in my way.

I'd also like to write a book one day outside of my research topics if I teach and do research at a researched based university (like UM!!). I think I have a message to be heard :-), and it will become more loud and clear as time progresses to myself as well as others.


What is your soul mission/life purpose?

Happy Healing!

"Go sit!"

Here are some fun images from our Friday together. You can tell I am in a bad pain flare because I rarely take 10 minutes to sit with my legs elevated when I am not in my own house. Pat kept telling me, "Go sit, you are banned from the baby," because I just could not sit still and stop standing with that little love running around being so adorable!!!! Finally, Pat made that little pile of pillows, blankets, and toys that I put my legs on for all of 10 minutes before I decided that I'd just rest all day tomorrow ;-)

Oh, I also put my Twitter URL in my bio at the top of the page. I am not computer savvy enough to do anything better than that!

Happy Healing!

P.S. I'm going back and tagging my posts little by little so you can go back and find the topics you are looking for. I've done the first 25, but then realized, "Holy moly, I have written 250+ posts!!!!" Wowza! Stay tuned!

I Face The Day And Pray To God I Won't Make The Same Mistakes

**I took this pic of the beautiful bush in my backyard!

While my nostalgia for the warm University of Miami always seems to creep up past normal levels when I am puttering around the chilly Rutgers campus, one of my favorite experiences correlates with this 45 minute commute to campus... visiting one of my favorite, hidden grocery stores/cafes that caters to the vegan, and now, to the raw vegan. Namaste is its name and delicious, cruelty free, vegan cuisine is its game! If you live near Rutgers University, give it a google.

After posting my last blog post on CrazySexyLife.com, one of the members/my beautiful friends asked me to elaborate on HOW exactly I live in the moment. She so eloquently explained, as she often does, that she has come across many posts about living in the moment, but none have explained how we achieve this often sought after goal. Surprisingly, I use a lot of tools that I often use with my severe and persistent mentally ill clients like re-framing, re-directing, and reality testing:

RE-FRAME --changing a belief, assigning it new meaning, which can change our views of the world around us and our situations

Often, for me, this is changing a negative to a positive.

Example (using the pain flare I am experiencing at the moment): "This is it for me. I must be getting worse. If I feel like this now, what will I feel like in 6 months? I'll be in a wheelchair!!!"

Re-frame: "Every pain flare I have been in has not spiraled me into a wheelchair, and if it does, I will address it then, not now. There are always options."


RE-DIRECT --change focus

Example: "I'm in so much pain. I'm in so much pain. I'm in so much pain..."

Re-direct: "Oh, look! My dog wants me to throw his toy!" --at times, it is that simple. Hanging out with a friend or family member is also another great distraction. Basically, do something FUN.


REALITY TESTING --gauge the difference between your internal world and the external world

Example: "I'll never be able to graduate because of this illness, and I won't be able to have a job and give back to my community if this disables me."

REALITY TEST: "How likely is that to occur? Not that likely."



These are very simple tools, but for me, they bring my focus from the future back to the present moment. Make sense?

Happy Healing!

Finally In The Moment

I want to thank everyone for reaching out to me with your candid e-mails and for following me on Twitter. Please, do not hesitate to contact me through my e-mail if you would like to chat, need support, or just want to say hello. It is not a burden whatsoever, and I really value your experiences and feelings.

Lately, I have been experiencing a level of acceptance that I have never felt before, living moment by moment, even when the moments contain those oh-so-frightenng pain flares. Instead of the usual "freak out" containing racing thoughts of "what if the pain doesn't go back down" and "what if I am getting worse," my mind has simply gone, "OK, I'm in a pain flare," and I patiently adjust my activities and wait until it is over. Perhaps, after five years of pain, I am finally getting used to this whole up and down, back and forth of chronic illness? Maybe. Or, perhaps, I am finally recognizing that I haven't self-destructed yet, so far? Yea, that's possible. My mind does wander into the future occassionally, but it is spending most of its time in the NOW. FINALLY!

I have written about my struggle with living in the moment before, but no matter how badly I practiced, prayed, desired for the ability to not project years into the future with RSD, it never worked. It has only come with time, just as any acceptance of the conditions of this illness has.

Here are some photos taken today with the baby and my man. Enjoy!

Happy Healing!