Thursday, February 25, 2010
I saw Dr. Schwartzmann yesterday, and while he was a lovely, intelligent, competent, compassionate professional and individual (and I'm not easy to please), I left fearful and confused, tears flowing. As usual, I am the "perfect patient." I "do everything right." I have remission written all over me, but his caring recommendation is that I go in for another inpatient ketamine infusion (my first one was a disaster that you can read here). There is an urgency to stop the progression while I continue to work on my holistic healing, and I understand and accept his assessment. I am to call him in the next few days with my decision, but I am desperate for healing. Although I am terrified after my first experience, I will do it. Strong mental health is my savor.
"There is always a choice when it comes to psychological suffering. You need not surrender to any wave of helplessness that leave you feeling sorry for being alive."