Friday, April 23, 2010
Thoughts on Enjoying the Process of Healing
For as long as I can remember, I have set a high goal, taken the necessary steps to achieve it, and reveled in my success, but my tunnel vision on victory has never allowed me to relax into and enjoy the process. When I was in high school, I couldn’t wait to move on to college. When I was in undergraduate, I couldn’t wait to move on to graduate school. Now that I am in graduate school, I can’t wait to have my Master’s Degree and a real job where I actually get paid for my efforts instead of paying to take courses and do 1,000+ hours at two field placements! My point is that while obsessing over the finish line, I forgot to enjoy the race. Looking back, I often wish I could go back to my undergraduate days at the University of Miami in Southern Florida as the “me” I am today, someone who appreciates and FINALLY lives in the moment. Somehow, my goals became a way to avoid the moment and my athletic endeavors became a way for me to literally run away from what I did not like about myself. As a result, the universe forced me to sit still and go inward, and the only way it knew how was to take my legs away from me. I could no longer run from the truth.
How does this relate to RSD/CRPS, you ask? Over the last five years, my tunnel vision on victory carried over to my life with this (temporary) illness. During my time with Lynn, my spiritual counselor, my focus was on that miracle cure, that spontaneous remission that would occur if I only did everything I was “supposed to do” to heal. Not once did I realize that the process was what really mattered and not the desperate goal of healing. Eventually, the healing will come, but it will come as a result of relaxing into and ENJOYING the process of introspection, self-discovery, self-actualization, and the realizing of my spiritual self. How can you enjoy the process if you are in pain all over every inch of your body, and for some of you, in your internal organs, too? You just have to. You have to muster the strength, the patience, and the curiosity to live in the moment, even if the moment SUCKS. It is that simple in theory, yet that difficult in practice.
Thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Experiences?
Don't forget to check out my post on my guest lecture!