For as long as I can remember, I have set a high goal, taken the necessary steps to achieve it, and reveled in my success, but my tunnel vision on victory has never allowed me to relax into and enjoy the process. When I was in high school, I couldn’t wait to move on to college. When I was in undergraduate, I couldn’t wait to move on to graduate school. Now that I am in graduate school, I can’t wait to have my Master’s Degree and a real job where I actually get paid for my efforts instead of paying to take courses and do 1,000+ hours at two field placements! My point is that while obsessing over the finish line, I forgot to enjoy the race. Looking back, I often wish I could go back to my undergraduate days at the University of Miami in Southern Florida as the “me” I am today, someone who appreciates and FINALLY lives in the moment. Somehow, my goals became a way to avoid the moment and my athletic endeavors became a way for me to literally run away from what I did not like about myself. As a result, the universe forced me to sit still and go inward, and the only way it knew how was to take my legs away from me. I could no longer run from the truth.
How does this relate to RSD/CRPS, you ask? Over the last five years, my tunnel vision on victory carried over to my life with this (temporary) illness. During my time with Lynn, my spiritual counselor, my focus was on that miracle cure, that spontaneous remission that would occur if I only did everything I was “supposed to do” to heal. Not once did I realize that the process was what really mattered and not the desperate goal of healing. Eventually, the healing will come, but it will come as a result of relaxing into and ENJOYING the process of introspection, self-discovery, self-actualization, and the realizing of my spiritual self. How can you enjoy the process if you are in pain all over every inch of your body, and for some of you, in your internal organs, too? You just have to. You have to muster the strength, the patience, and the curiosity to live in the moment, even if the moment SUCKS. It is that simple in theory, yet that difficult in practice.
Thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Experiences?
Don't forget to check out my post on my guest lecture!
Happy Healing!
6 comments:
I always focus on getting my degree to motivate me. My friends and body remind me that I do have to enjoy the time I have in school. That in 5 yrs (when hopefully Im in grad school) I wont get this time back. I wont be able to have a movie marathon with my "best friends" forever. Things change and a lot of us tend to be very goal oriented and dont realize the beauty of what is in front of us at this particular time.
Great post, Maria. It reminds me of the Abraham-Hicks quote: you are never going to get it all done. There's always going to be something else you'll want to do so just enjoy the ride. I think each moment we have a chance to remember who we really are. "I am not this body. I am not this mind." We are all learning the same thing, but take "apprenticeships" in different areas: health, wealth, love. Thanks for this little break. I needed a reminder to remember! I wonder do you take time everyday to just "be"? xo, Tina
Love this. So true. We are always racing to the next step instead of enjoying the race, when I look back the race was part of the experience. I always try to remind myself to live in this moment. Great reminder. XO
Erikka, exactly! So glad you are enjoying your time in undergrad. I really miss living with my best friend. That was great!
Tina, so glad you enjoyed it! I allow myself to just "be" A LOT. Now that I can't do a whole lot, I wind up sitting out in nature with my dog and enjoying the silence. One of my favorite past times.
Thanks, Lauren! Love you xoxo
Maria, I think you would love "When the Body Says No" written by the brilliant Gabor Mate. His book helped me on my healing journey. I just saw him speak in person last week and was so inspired. He is an MD who recognizes that there is no separation between body and mind. Anyway, you are certainly finding your truth and using it to heal! Hope you continue to grow.
Thanks, Michelle! I will take a look!
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