A Message to the Spouses/Partners of those with Chronic Pain and/or Illnesses

Hi, healers! Upon request (thanks for the great idea!), I am providing you with a post written in the first person by someone with a chronic illness to his/her spouse or partner. A good idea would be to print this out and let your loved one read it. Perhaps, one of my future posts can be similar to this but from the spouse/partner to the person with a chronic illness? It isn't only the diagnosed who is suffering.

Don't forget to check out the update on my condition I just posted.

Here we go:

Having chronic pain/illness doesn't mean I'm someone different: My lifestyle and even my mood may have changed, but I am still the same person you married. Work with me, support me, and love me through this difficult time. Help me to grieve my losses, learn that I am not my physical body, learn important life lessons, and become my highest self. Be there to guide me when I am lost and walk beside me as I heal, mind, body, and spirit. I will come out of this self-actualized and reconnected. I just need time, patience, and most of all, unconditional love.

Chronic pain/illness and reactive mental health conditions are quite common: You may think chronic pain/illness is physical in nature, but the mind-body connection proves otherwise. Depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, addictions, and other reactive mental health conditions are quite common, so be sensitive to my needs and encourage me toward professional help. It will be the best option for both of us and could save our marriage and my life (suicidal ideation, attempt, and completion are common concerning chronic pain and illness).

"Happy" and "healthy" are not the same: I may smile, laugh at your jokes, or enjoy my life, but that does not mean I am cured. I can make the conscious choice to find beauty in life, joy in the small things, and gratitude for what I do have, but my physical limitations may not change. Enjoy life with me and find my outlook inspiring, but respect my limitations.

Even though it's labeled "chronic," it constantly changes: "Chronic" describes the long-term nature of the disease, but it does not do justice to the ever-changing symptoms of chronic illness. If I can go shopping today but cannot move off of the couch tomorrow, understand that this is typical of the illness. Rejoice in and take advantage of my "good" days with me, and support me through my "bad" days.

Sometimes, we feel guilty and like a burden for depending on you: This is NEVER what I planned for my life as a little child. As I played on the playground with the world at my finger tips, I did not say, "Geeze, I wish I could be chronically ill and totally or partially dependent on my loved ones for the rest of my adult life." I am doing what I can to contribute. Sometimes, it may nothing, and other days, it may be more. Someday, I will be healed, and it will be everything. Please, be patient with me, and reassure me that you love me and that I am not a burden to you.

Chronic pain/illness is impossible for you to understand unless you have it: Even if you are the most empathetic person on the planet, you'll never be able to fully understand what I'm experiencing. Remember this when you become impatient or frustrated and take a little time to ask me about what it feels like to have chronic pain/illness. Encourage me to talk to you about my feelings. It will be better for both of us to speak openly and honestly.

If I think of anymore, I will post a "Part II."

Happy Healing!